Happy New Year 2010

Again another year has end. Last year was a great year for me and had little changes in life. A little improvement in many things that expect big will happen. Even then I am happy about last year.

Now it’s time to hope about this New Year. New years are a chance for a beginning, even when there hasn’t been an end. Wheels turn in an interminable bend; yet, marked in one spot, seem to wobble spinning.

Each year we hope to do a little better although we know that really nothing’s changed. Reason thinks that everything’s arranged, so we must dream if we would fate unfetter.

Happy New Year to all readers, and friends, Have a wonderful blessed new year ahead.

Ways to Heal When Love Hurts

Sometimes our loved ones hurt us. Dads can get physical or disappear from our lives. Moms can betray us with their anger and lack of support. A best friend can shock us by turning their backs on us. A spouse can be unfaithful and destroy our trust. Our children can take a destructive path that is sure to crush our heart. These are some of the big hurts in life that leave us wondering how we will ever heal.

But there are little hurts too that can build into mountains of resentment if we don't address them. Angry words are exchanged during an argument. A friend neglects your friendship. People take you for granted without even knowing it. Your child rejects you in a moment of hurt and frustration.

To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health. It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and zaps the joy from our life. So how do we heal our heart when love hurts? Here are some suggestions to help you move beyond the hurt and get on with enjoying life.

Our initial reaction when someone hurts or betrays us is often anger. Maybe we feel violated or disrespected. We want to perhaps lash back and make the other person hurt. Refrain from doing that. Anger expressed when we are hurt can be distorted and damaging to our relationships. Take some time to handle your anger in another way. Talk with a trusted friend, counselor or life coach. Express your feelings in a journal or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't give it to them).

How can you better understand the person who hurt you? What truth do you need to know about the other person? Sometimes people hurt us because they are hurting too. Other times people hurt us unintentionally. Ask for the truth and be willing to hear, accept and embrace it. Share your truth and help the other person understand you.

Experiencing pain and suffering is not easy. However, there is usually a lesson to be learned from our pain. What aren't or weren't you paying attention to? What does this experience teach you about yourself and the other person? What changes need to be made as a result of your pain? While the human drama includes pain, we have a choice in how to view it.

We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some mistakes hurt more than others. Most of us are doing the best we can in any given situation. People make choices based on their past, their belief systems, and the past and collective thought of humanity. Unfortunately, people sometimes make choices that hurt us. We need grace when we make choices that hurt our loved ones, and our loved ones need grace as well.

When we are hurt, it is sometimes difficult to accept the apologies and attempts to make amends from our loved ones. Maybe your guard has been thrown up and you're unsure if you can trust again. One way to heal a wounded heart is to allow yourself to truly feel the sincere love deposits that are made to your emotional bank account. Maybe the love will come from the person who hurt you, but maybe it will not. Seek out and embrace the love that is being given to you.

With hurt comes sadness. Maybe you feel sad about what happened. Perhaps you feel sad about what you didn't receive. Sometimes the sadness is an indication that you need to grieve the loss of a dream. Allow yourself to feel the sadness - let the tears flow. Crying is a very cathartic ritual.

When our loved ones hurt us continually, we may need to set boundaries for healing to take place. A child may need to go to his room when his anger is destructive. You may need to end a conversation with someone who is hurting you. It's even possible that you need to end a relationship that is repeatedly hurting your self-esteem. Healing cannot take place if we don't take care of ourselves. And people will not begin treating us with respect until we respect ourselves.

Lastly, we need to forgive so that we can move on with life. Forgiving does not mean that we condone our loved ones behavior. It does not mean that we allow others to keep hurting us. To forgive means to give up all resentment and the desire to punish the other person. In our heart, it means we've cancelled the debt we feel others owe us.

Sometimes the only way to know love is to experience what love is not. Whatever the question, challenge or decision, love is always the answer. God is perfect love, and His desire is for us to model His character. Healing from hurts moves us closer to love.

( Note: I saw this article from articlezone.com and thought to share with my friends )

Eid Mubarik

I wish you ALL a very happy and peaceful Eid. May Allah accept your

good deeds, forgive your transgressions and ease the suffering of all

peoples around the globe. Eid Mubarik

Just Friends??

You say that you like me,
But that we're just friends;
Can I feel the same?
Well I think it depends:

Can I quit breathing fast
Each time you appear?
Will my heart stop its pounding
Whenever you're near?

I'd like to feel nothing,
And get rid of the thrill.
I wish I'd stop loving you,
But I don't think I will.

It Hurts

dear Sweet Heart,

Tears are falling from my eyes, as I sit and cry at night. blood is dripping from my heart, as I try to write. I have so much pain, I'm hurt a lot, I can't explain all this, I'm just falling apart. no one understands, I don't know where to start and I don't know where to end. love hurts so much, like a thousand stabbing knives, especially when you have all this pain, that you wish you could deny. I'm so sore right now, my heart is racing fast, I wish I could forget all this, and leave it in the past. but there will always be a memory, a memory of YoU, how we both Shared each other, and in my heart I'll hold. I will always hold this memory even though you won't care, and the scar you left in my heart will always be there.

PS: Still loving You

With Love Comes Pain.

If you find your love can you please let me know,
So that I cane see everything I wasn't.....
I love you...But I will stop....
If its going to ruined your life and what we had in between
Because what I feel for you and your life means more to me than any thing.

I understand that with loves comes pain,
But why did I have lot of love you so Much.
The day is coming.... When not even you can save me...
I used to smile when I told people that you are mine,
But Now I cant even smile or say Your name at the same time.

I am going to smile like nothing wrong,
Talk like every things perfect,
Acts like its all dreams,
And Pretend its not Hurting me.

Its not when I look back all the memories and Good times we had,
That makes me Sad,
Its when you consider Those memories as nothing to you
When they meant every things to me.

I am Sorry

I never meant to hurt you
the way I know I have.
Your caring means more to me
than anything and I'll do whatever it takes
to prove that to you.

Since the day I met you and
your love touched my heart
I knew that my life would never be the same.

Please forgive me for the pain I've caused.
I'll make it up to you every chance I get.
You have my heart and my love forever.

( this poem is dedicated to pinkroxe )

Lost Love

Every love affair has its lifetime. As long as it has a start it has an end too. Some relationships last to the end of partner’s lifetime some die soon after they started.

Love may start as the strongest passion but time passes and the storm of emotions calms down, relationships once so bright and full of surprises become routine. It drags on for a while and then comes crisis. A couple can either survive through it or fall apart.

Even when the love is gone it’s always hard to realize that you have to quit something once so good. There’s no certain way to decrease the sad feelings about falling apart. You may only try to stay civilized people about it and to let the one who’s leaving do it without making up grandiose scandals and hysterics.

Although some think that it’s better to stay enemies than friends because than you will have nothing to regret about and won’t execute meaningless attempts to get things back. But is it so right to ruin all the memories about the happy time two people have spent together with ugly scenes screaming and blaming each other in the worst sins?

It’s over when it’s over and sometimes it’s obvious that all is over. Two people scream and shout one at the other almost every day, they have nothing to talk about and if they do every conversation turns into a quarrel, one finds faults with everything the other does, they both simply annoy each other. That’s definitely the end.

The question is where the love’s gone. Nobody knows it. Maybe they’ve been spending too much time together and finally have started to bore each other. Maybe he has stopped telling her about his love and she has stopped feeling it. Maybe time has made the illusions disappear and the reality has turned to be not what they both expected. Maybe there was only passion and after it’s gone nothing has left. There can be plenty of those maybes. Every misfortune has its own face. It may even be that nothing is over but people need to take a little rest one from the other or try to diversify their relationships. In fact when each one of a couple is willing to fight to make love stay they’ll find the way to do it.

The real tragedy is when one still feels the love but the other is bored and wants to leave. If the feeling is really gone no tricks will help to keep the partner, sooner or later he or she will finally leave and those few more weeks together won’t make you happier. The only thing you can really do in this case is to try to get over him/her as soon as possible. That misery will pass as the happiness did.

Sometimes (and it specially refers to women) a man loses his interest to a woman because she has given up her job, interests, friends and etc. in order to become the part of his life, to be everything he needs. He doesn’t have to conquer her no more; she has stopped being a personality with her own life that he had once fallen in love with. If fact this is one of the general mistakes people do. They get too comfortable and stop fighting for each other’s love. And then when a partner starts packing bags they wonder where I went wrong.

But still in very many cases lost love isn’t anyone’s fault. It is just the way things go. We should never stop believing that next time the feeling will be real and will finally last to the very end. We have no limit of times that we can fall in love and so although it’s sad to lose love, each times we do we should try to look at it as on the chance to find a new better one.

Lession (Goodbye)

This Poem was the first post I have written in this blog long ago. Though I wasnt just posted this poem then with any meaning or relating to my life. But today again I am sharing the same poem which every piece of this and every word meant me a lot more than just related to my life. I just dont wanna say good bye but I have to let you go...


I've learned a lot of lessons
In the short time I have lived
I've learned how to appreciate
And I've learned how to give.

But in these past few months
There's two I'll remember most
I've learned how to love
And I've learned to let go.

You entered my life with such a force
And left it with one as strong
And though we tried to make it last
We both knew it wouldn't be long.

I lie at night and think about
How I'm the one to blame.
If only I would have trusted you,
I could have missed this pain.

And so I spent each day of my life
With my heart in pieces
And when I thought it could never be cured,
Something happened; I expected it least.

I guess my soul was all cried out,
And it was tired of being used.
And even though I know I'm guilty,
I was tired of being accused.

And so I've learned to end this
Without an urge to cry
These are my final words to you,
"I love you and goodbye."

What is true love?

Falling in love is quite complicated thing for me. Still I don’t believe I have been loved by anyone, which may be a good reason I don’t find the exact meaning of what love could be. Anyhow it’s quite easy for point out True love in theoretically, as it happens very rarely.

Love; its simple four letter word commonly thrown around three to four letter word. Most commonly people say I love you or I love her/him. It’s very easy to say but it has a valuable meaning more than just say it, and that’s the part we don’t take it seriously.

People say love can do everything. But there are few things love isn’t that we don’t keep it in mind. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is accompanied by strong feelings, it’s more than just a feeling. Real love will not be completed without sharing, caring, respecting, helping and understanding. A relationship wouldn’t last long just on emotions, In fact knowledge of respecting each other feeling the other one’s feeling is the basis of a successful relationship.

Most I see here fall in love very soon same as falling love to a movie star or without seeing, or even without having a real conversation. Do you believe that without knowing a person could lead us to a healthy relationship? Definitely I would oppose to it. Knowing about the other person is the key. This didn’t mean just know the other for name sake. From my perception it’s about the person’s personality and character. We commonly called the typ.

Talking about falling in love and what’s the real meaning of true love most stories defined that a relationship doesn’t work without a common life goal. Saying that we all have a goal that lead to success our love is not enough I guess. Firstly just living together doesn’t mean this is moving to common goal. We need to move forward in the same direction as the other person as well as a relationship is based long term, more over to life long. Both partners have to have common life purpose to achieve in this relationship.

One common mistake we had in our relationships is thinking that love is just sex; indeed Love isn’t sex. Any long last relationship doesn’t mean that sex played a big role; it’s a very small part of big portion. There are lots of ways to share feeling and much more meaningful than sex.

Sometimes we don’t find the real meaning of such things in our life but we understand that. Likewise love is very meaningful unlike we see how it works. I have been in this game more than once, but unfortunately those meanings are which I never find in it. Those great features are yet untold stories which is to be discovered someday, and that’s the day I could be proud of having bad experience in what went before. Cox that experience is the cause to think about what true love means?

Can Your Friends or Lovers Trust You?

By: Royane Real.

One of the most common reasons that friendships and romantic relationships break up is because one of the people involved in the relationship or friendship decides he or she really cannot trust the other person.

It may be that the other person has let them down too many times, or has been lying about some important matters. Another factor that can destroy a friendship is idle gossip. Of course, in romantic relationships, infidelity is the greatest destroyer of trust.

If something happens to destroy the trust between two friends, that trust is very hard to ever establish again. If a friendship gets into trouble because one of the people stops trusting the other person, the friendship is probably finished forever. Lovers often work harder to fix a broken trust, because the emotions are so intense, and families may be at risk if the relationship fails.

When you are in a friendship, or if you want to establish a romantic relationship, it’s better to be trustworthy from the beginning. You must always be very careful not to destroy the bond of trust that you build up between the two of you.

What are some of the ways in which trust can be destroyed in a friendship?

One common thing that destroys many friendships happens when a friend finds out that you have been talking about them behind their back. It doesn’t even matter if what you said was true or false or if the gossip was malicious or not, most people are horrified to discover that a trusted friend has been talking about them to others. They become worried that many of their deepest secrets they have entrusted to you may be spread all over town or all over the Internet.

It’s bad enough if you have repeated a few true facts to others that your friend has revealed to you. If it turns out that you have exaggerated a few things or made things up, then you truly don’t deserve to have that friendship anyway, and your friend is right to dump you.

Even if you say you haven’t told all their most important secrets, your friends will stop believing in you. Once you have destroyed your credibility, you don’t have much left.

Another thing that can hurt a friendship or relationship is what one person calls harmless teasing, and the other calls hurtful remarks. If you have a sense of humor that is often quite cutting or cruel, stop it!

Don’t try to weasel your way out of your responsibility for your remarks by saying that the other person is just too sensitive and doesn’t have a sense of humor. That kind of excuse will only work once or twice. After that, if you keep making the same kind of insulting remarks and say you’re just teasing, you may have to kiss the relationship goodbye.

Even something that is as seemingly harmless as always being late, can signal to your friend or lover that you don’t really respect or value them. Once they get fed up enough because of your chronic lateness, they will start noticing more and more negative things about you.

Eventually, they may just decide that you are too unreliable and that the relationship has more negative aspects than positive aspects. The trust is gone.

If your friend or lover tells you that they are upset over something you have done, you need to hear them out sincerely, and explain yourself without making excuses or telling them that they are too sensitive. Then you must make a sincere commitment to change the undesirable behavior.

The bottom line for being trusted in any relationship or friendship is that you must always treat the other person with respect. That is how you build trust in a relationship.

PS : This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real, in her popular book "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends"

How to love conciously !

Recently I haven't update my blog with any good article so that when I think of updating, I find this article from internet which was written by a great author Alex Blackwell, and I thought to share with my blog readers as this issue is quite important to know all of us. So let’s go with this.

Knowing how someone wants to be loved and then providing that love are two separate things. Sometimes marriages and other relationships end because either one person does not understand how to love or meet the needs of the other; or one partner refuses to meet the needs of the other.

To love consciously is a choice. Mary Beth and I often say being married is very similar to having another full-time job – you get out of it what you put into it.

Our marriage is like a savings account. My wife and I make deposits into it never expecting we may need to make a withdrawal. However, when we do request a withdrawal there are no associated penalties.

Yes, we argue over the temperature in the car or who really forgot to feed the dog, but when it really matters; when it really counts, we make the consciousness choice to give each other the love that is requested and needed.

With over 23 years of marriage under our belts, we have found the following strategies work best to love intentionally; to love authentically and to love consciously.

Show Appreciation

A simple “thank you” in response to a trivial or ordinary item can make a significant difference. It only takes a few short moments to utter these two words, but the impact can be felt for a very long time.

Showing gratitude is also the best strategy for ensuring the things you are most grateful for continue to happen. When we stop and tell our partners what we are grateful for, we are also telling the Universe. By making the effort, the conscious decision, to express our thanks we are in a better position of receiving more of it in the future.

If you want your partner to be grateful, it starts by you showing gratitude, first.

Be Happy, Not Right

Here’s a question for you, “Would you rather be right, or happy?” Too often our pride and egos can keep us from enjoying intimate relationships. We stew over what we think are injustices, but are perhaps only misunderstandings.

We carry grudges and do not show enough grace, passion or forgiveness to the person we care most about. Our need to be right can overshadow our need to receive, and give, love.

Take a look at what your pride is costing you. If intimacy is strained and the relationship is off track you may want to reconsider the value of your anger or self righteousness. Here’s the thing: You may be right in the argument although you partner thinks otherwise, but you will never be wrong when you put your partner first. Happiness always feels better than vindication.

No Day But Today

What would you say to your partner if you knew this was the last day you would be together? Would you complain about the television being too loud, or would you remind your partner of their value and significance?

Life does have an expiration date. This isn’t meant to be a downer – just a reality we all share. It’s what you do with this information that will make the difference. While it’s very difficult to sustain a high-level of connection and passion on a day-to-day basis, there are some simple things you can do to convey your partner’s importance to let them know they are important today:

• Kiss your mate at least twice a day
• Leave a quick note just to say “hi,” or “I love you”
• Never do anything you wouldn’t want your partner to know
• Be fully present when they need to talk or share something important
• Make the effort to spend some time together each day
• Give a compliment
• Make your partner feel important
• Smile

No Judgments

Judgments are often times rooted in perception, not reality. Judgments are also a piece of how you see the world, not the way the world, or in this case your partner, actually exists.

The harm with judgments is resentment and anger is typically the outcomes – not the change that is expected. When a judgment is made, there is an implied belief the behavior or trait being judged should be corrected. However, the person receiving the judgment does not always share the same expectation.

As a result, communication is impaired, connection is deteriorated and conflict ensues. To love deliberately and consciously requires loving your partner with a different filter – a cleaner filter that does not have the residue of past containments.

Be Aware of Your Own Thoughts & Feelings

Loving authentically is dependent on loving yourself, first. Before you share love, and share yourself with someone, it is important to beware of what you want. Reality suggests, however, we fall in love and begin relationships before we have a clear idea of our own true feelings.

When this happens, there is still plenty of time to discover your needs – this is called growth. Give yourself opportunities outside of the relationship. Build friendships and pursue interests on your own.

A good relationship exists when both people can live without the other, but choose to be together. A relationship built on a foundation of sharing different interests cultivates more life and depth into it.

You own your thoughts and feelings. These make you unique and keep you grounded with who you really are or growing to become. By doing so, you are in a much better position to love freely and honestly. Nature has a way of taking care of those things we put the most energy in and want to grow even stronger.

Loving Consciously

The power of love extends its reach when we will love intentionally. Real love, authentic love, springs to life and is sustained when we make the choice to feed it with our deliberate passion. Our souls are nourished when our partners realize we know how to love them.

There will be a day when I no longer share this life with my wife. When that day arrives, my hope is she will know my intent was to discover exactly what she wanted and my conscious choice was to give her more of that.

Ramazan Mubarak!

Here again in Holy month of Ramadan I wanted to wish every Friend and to their family's Ramadan Mubarak. May Allah (swt) grant you a peaceful and successful Ramazan.

May this month allow us to reflect not only on the Umma but the entire creation and all the wonderful blessings of Allah (swt). May we strive to be patient, understanding, just, and firm in our faith. May we use our faith as a catalyst to project Islam into action and bring about a lasting peace throughout mankind.

May we be willing to stand up against wickedness and repel evil with good in all forms. May we remember the example of the Prophet (saw) and utilize the best of manners when dealing with those who are different from us. May we exemplify the revelation of Allah (swt) in all our daily routines. I ask that Allah (swt) grant us the strenth to repel the whisperings of the Shaitan.

Amen!

Love, Separation, Pain!

“There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.” This is quoted by a famous artist in his life diary, thinking about the phrase mind goes to the past. Artist is true on this, missing some one especially when the time of separation pains a lot. I had same experience a year ago…. Existence of an unpredictable separation makes the life worse for days. This is normal for everyone’s life. Everyday number of people experience same pain all over in their life. My mind pins to one point reading the phrase….. “Yes its true….Separations hurts”

Coping with separation especially when you are in love can be one of the hardest experiences life hands us. Although the circumstances of separation for a short time are difficult, the hope of the person’s return makes the separation much easier for us to handle. However the intense emotional pain that comes along with it is very difficult to overcome.

For those who say that separation is easy, they don’t really know what it is to love someone. It’s a bold statement, but trusts me, through distance, your heart really does grow fonder, through the thousands of miles of separation, and you realize that you are missing something. Life goes on without them by your side… The mornings will greet you and the nights might bid you to sleep... and yet, the sweetness of the morning breeze… and the sparkle of the night air is not the same...There will be a feeling of something missing... emptiness…. you just wish like having the most hectic days of life... Because it gives you a chance to fill a void that is always present within you but …as the day slows down… the memory of your love catches up... and the longing of this aching heart begins to creep up within …and the hope that someday both will be together again is the only thing that keeps you going.

It is the distance that makes life a little hard. But then again distance between two hearts is not an obstacle; rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be.

If you have ever been infatuated, you would have realized that infatuation is weakened by time and separation where real love is strengthened by time and separation. This does not mean that there will be no pain in separation. On the contrary, there is great pain in separation if you are truly in love. As I have realized from personal experience the greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.

Past, Present & Future.

When I heard this quotes; The past stood witness, to my present uncertainty, while future was evasive; its is in deed very true about our daily life. No man’s life is completed without his past, present and future. Everyone learns some lessons in their past, live their present and hope for better in future.

Life is presented to us in three forms – past, present and the future. We often keep clinching to our past, refusing to move forward. A time comes when the past stares in our face – at that time we want to jump towards the future but life doesn’t move an inch. This happens because the more we cling to our past, more hotly it pursues us. And then we don’t have the courage to face it boldly.

What is required is that we maintain a balance between the three – past, present and future. It is often said – live in present. Very true indeed! But at the same time we must realize that we can’t detach ourselves completely from the past and also can’t help aspiring about the time to come. We all carry with us a bit of yesterday in our today – no matter how good or bad. The perfect recipe of life can contain: two teaspoonfuls of past, five of present and three of future; garnished with our adorable qualities and values of life.