Lies that Lovers Tell

It is not fun to think about the lies people tell to those they love. But my mind goes to this topic when I was involvement in similar case in my life. There is nothing to proud of cheating partners with full of lies, even though mistakenly or not most of us repeat same lies every day. And, at the same time, people tend to be curious about the topics which couples try to hide and conceal from each other.

Here I would like to share what I have found about Lies that most couple tells each other.

Relational Issues

· Time Together - people lie about the reasons why they can't spend time together or see each other ("I am so busy, I have so much work to do, I don't have time right now")....

· Past Relationships - partners lie about their past level of involvement ("I never really loved her," "I am much closer to you," "I love you so much more than anyone else")...

· Feelings, Interest, Crushes, and Attraction to Others - people lie about their feelings and interest in others - often includes ex-partners, friends, someone at work...

· Secret Contact - lovers lie about their friendships, time spent with others, accidental encounters (running into ex), phone calls, e-mails, and text messages with others. Essentially people lie about intimate, but non-sexual contact with someone else...

· Level of Commitment – people lie about their feelings for partner, uncertainty or doubts about the relationship - not sure really love or want to marry partner or stay together...

· Flirting with others - people lie about flirting with others...

· Betraying Confidences - lovers lie to each other about keeping secrets confidential...

· Hide Time with Others - people hide activities and time spent with others - usually friends or co-workers...

Sexual Issues

· Sexual Fantasies – lovers conceal having sexual fantasies about others during sex. Or thinking about sex with someone else - usually the fantasy involves a partner's friend, family member, or a co-worker...

· Masturbation - men, in particular, lying about masturbating or how often it happens. Men also lie about fantasies during masturbation, using pornography...

· Sexual Enjoyment - people lie about how good sex with partner is ("You're the best," "That was great!")...

· Sexual History - lovers lie about the number of past partners, unsafe sex practices, what they have and have not done with others, their virginity, having an abortion, childhood abuse...

· Infidelity and Cheating - spouses lie about having sex with other people... sometimes it involves issues of paternity

· Sexual Orientation - some people lie about same sex contact or interest...

Negative Thoughts

· Negative Feelings towards Partner’s Family/friends - people lie about liking other people who are important to a partner...

· Negative Feelings about Partner’s Physical Appearance - lovers lie about liking their partner's appearance, hair, weight, age, clothes...

· Negative Feelings about Partner’s Career - people lie about liking or respecting their partner's job, school, career choices...

· Negative Feelings about Partner’s Behavior/character - lovers lie about liking their partner's kids, habits, personality, and sense of humor...

· Hide Other's Negative Feelings about Partner - people lie about other people's true feelings towards a partner (i.e., my family/friends don't like you)...

Negative Behaviors

· Drug Use - lovers lie about past or current drug use...

· Alcohol Consumption - partners lie about alcohol consumption...

· Smoking - people lie about smoking...

· Gambling - lovers lie about gambling...

Differences

· Hide Important Beliefs - lovers lie about true feelings on issues (i.e., politics, religion, pets) in order to get along with partner...

· Enjoyment of Activities - people lie about enjoying things a partner likes to do...

Financial Issues

· Resources - people lie about their income, resources, inheritance...

· Debt - lovers lie about their level of debit...

· Spending Habits - people lie about how they spend money...

Insecurities

· Physical Appearance/health - people lie about age, weight, health...

· Jealously - lovers lie about being jealous and snooping...

· Career Performance - partners lie about how well work, school, career is going...

· Family and Friends - lovers lie to make family and friends seem better...

· Love and Emotions - people lie to their partners about feeling vulnerable, scared, and being overly emotional...

2nd blog anniversary

Back on 15^th January 2008 Welcome to My Blog! That link now goes to the 1st post of my blog. It wasn’t coincidence I started my blog in my own birth day. Today is my 26^th birth day, funny how things work out. And the most important thing is, this birth day is the most special birth day ever happen in my life yet. Thanks to all who makes me feel so special to them.

Wow! Two years already ever since I started blogging. Talking about past; Last year wasn’t a good year for me. I had two great losses in my family, one in my mom’s side and one other in dad’s family. Plus my personal life couldn’t be good enough to say I was happy... But. I have more important things (to me) going on in my life nowadays. This year starts with new hopes and dreams in personal life. New people around in with me. Hope this year would be a remarkable!

No idea what the future holds for this blog, or for me. But for the 1st time in a long time I have serious hopes for, with new adventures in personal life, and am actually actively looking forward to, the latter. And that is the biggest thing keeping me quiet here. And I am perfectly OK with that.

I would like to say “Thank you!” to those still around and reading and to those all over the past 2 years, who have read, commented, encouraged me. Thank you!

Happy New Year 2010

Again another year has end. Last year was a great year for me and had little changes in life. A little improvement in many things that expect big will happen. Even then I am happy about last year.

Now it’s time to hope about this New Year. New years are a chance for a beginning, even when there hasn’t been an end. Wheels turn in an interminable bend; yet, marked in one spot, seem to wobble spinning.

Each year we hope to do a little better although we know that really nothing’s changed. Reason thinks that everything’s arranged, so we must dream if we would fate unfetter.

Happy New Year to all readers, and friends, Have a wonderful blessed new year ahead.

Ways to Heal When Love Hurts

Sometimes our loved ones hurt us. Dads can get physical or disappear from our lives. Moms can betray us with their anger and lack of support. A best friend can shock us by turning their backs on us. A spouse can be unfaithful and destroy our trust. Our children can take a destructive path that is sure to crush our heart. These are some of the big hurts in life that leave us wondering how we will ever heal.

But there are little hurts too that can build into mountains of resentment if we don't address them. Angry words are exchanged during an argument. A friend neglects your friendship. People take you for granted without even knowing it. Your child rejects you in a moment of hurt and frustration.

To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health. It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and zaps the joy from our life. So how do we heal our heart when love hurts? Here are some suggestions to help you move beyond the hurt and get on with enjoying life.

Our initial reaction when someone hurts or betrays us is often anger. Maybe we feel violated or disrespected. We want to perhaps lash back and make the other person hurt. Refrain from doing that. Anger expressed when we are hurt can be distorted and damaging to our relationships. Take some time to handle your anger in another way. Talk with a trusted friend, counselor or life coach. Express your feelings in a journal or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't give it to them).

How can you better understand the person who hurt you? What truth do you need to know about the other person? Sometimes people hurt us because they are hurting too. Other times people hurt us unintentionally. Ask for the truth and be willing to hear, accept and embrace it. Share your truth and help the other person understand you.

Experiencing pain and suffering is not easy. However, there is usually a lesson to be learned from our pain. What aren't or weren't you paying attention to? What does this experience teach you about yourself and the other person? What changes need to be made as a result of your pain? While the human drama includes pain, we have a choice in how to view it.

We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some mistakes hurt more than others. Most of us are doing the best we can in any given situation. People make choices based on their past, their belief systems, and the past and collective thought of humanity. Unfortunately, people sometimes make choices that hurt us. We need grace when we make choices that hurt our loved ones, and our loved ones need grace as well.

When we are hurt, it is sometimes difficult to accept the apologies and attempts to make amends from our loved ones. Maybe your guard has been thrown up and you're unsure if you can trust again. One way to heal a wounded heart is to allow yourself to truly feel the sincere love deposits that are made to your emotional bank account. Maybe the love will come from the person who hurt you, but maybe it will not. Seek out and embrace the love that is being given to you.

With hurt comes sadness. Maybe you feel sad about what happened. Perhaps you feel sad about what you didn't receive. Sometimes the sadness is an indication that you need to grieve the loss of a dream. Allow yourself to feel the sadness - let the tears flow. Crying is a very cathartic ritual.

When our loved ones hurt us continually, we may need to set boundaries for healing to take place. A child may need to go to his room when his anger is destructive. You may need to end a conversation with someone who is hurting you. It's even possible that you need to end a relationship that is repeatedly hurting your self-esteem. Healing cannot take place if we don't take care of ourselves. And people will not begin treating us with respect until we respect ourselves.

Lastly, we need to forgive so that we can move on with life. Forgiving does not mean that we condone our loved ones behavior. It does not mean that we allow others to keep hurting us. To forgive means to give up all resentment and the desire to punish the other person. In our heart, it means we've cancelled the debt we feel others owe us.

Sometimes the only way to know love is to experience what love is not. Whatever the question, challenge or decision, love is always the answer. God is perfect love, and His desire is for us to model His character. Healing from hurts moves us closer to love.

( Note: I saw this article from articlezone.com and thought to share with my friends )

Eid Mubarik

I wish you ALL a very happy and peaceful Eid. May Allah accept your

good deeds, forgive your transgressions and ease the suffering of all

peoples around the globe. Eid Mubarik